I Had To
by Sandileina
Summary: The 25th Rikkai drabblething! Akaya’s mother knows that sometimes, you make the wrong decision for the right reasons.


**Disclaimer: **Here's a random fact: Tibet is not a leading world power. Here's another random fact: I don't own Prince of Tennis, or any of the characters. :)

**Rating: **PG

**Warnings: **Angst, very tiny mention of domestic violence

**Summary: **The 25th Rikkai drabblething! Akaya's mother knows that sometimes, you make the wrong decision for the right reasons.

**Author's notes:** Another Rikkai drabblething. **You don't have to have read the ones that come before this, but it might help a bit. **The drabblething list goes:

**Times of Stress**

**Passing the Time**

**How to ask out Marui Bunta**

**Four Days Later**

**October Ice**

**Because I Love You**

**Evil**

**Further Nonsense**

**Dear Diary**

**Kind of… the same**

**100 Word Challenges**

**Driver in a Hurry, Child in a Coma**

**Doctor, doctor!**

**The Woes of Solomon Grundy**

**I'm Not Going**

**The Little Things**

**I Had To**

**He WHAT?!**

**Operation: Christmas Party**

**Being Fukubuchou**

**Once Upon a Time**

**My Brother Bunta**

**Dear Diary: Living with Niou-senpai**

**A Morning at the Pool**

**This is Love**

Several people, mostly **May-Linn** (xD) have asked/wondered about Akaya's mum, and why she left him behind, etc. I was gonna write this a lot sooner, but I wanted to stick to my tradition of only having a reflectively angsty fic every five, so… yeah… n.n;; That's why this one had to wait. But here it is, and I hope it answers all your questions! Set between 'The Little Things' and 'He WHAT?!'.

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The plane was right on time. The little meat buns she'd had for lunch were absolutely delicious, and some lovely elderly man had been kind enough to explain to her that her luggage tags were the wrong way round. The sun outside was warm even though it was December. Everything was going as well as it could; in fact, it was going better.

So why did she feel like her heart was going to break?

"Kirihara Sumiko, hmm?"

Startled, Sumiko looked up from where she'd been staring aimlessly at the seat in front. A woman about her age had just sat down in the seat next to her, and Sumiko automatically shifted her bag so that the woman would have more leg space. "Yes, that's me. Why?"

"Ah, well, it says so on your ticket," the woman said with a smile, pointing to the little slip of dense paper sticking out of the armrest. "I'm Osakada Chie. Nice to meet you."

"Pleasure." They shook hands briefly.

"So, why're you heading to Hokkaido, Kirihara-san?" Osakada asked.

"I found a new job there," Sumiko answered vaguely. "I'm moving there from Tokyo. I've always hated it there, so…" she trailed off.

Osakada frowned slightly, tilting her head to one side. "Is there something troubling you?" she asked. "The chances of us seeing each other again are pretty remote, so… well, it helps to speak your thoughts out loud to someone who's willing to listen, is all I'm saying."

Sumiko shook her head. "Thank you, but I'm alright."

"Well, if you say so." Osakada flashed her another kindly smile, and then got out a book to read.

The plane began to move, preparing for takeoff. Sumiko made sure her seatbelt was in place and then watched unseeingly out of the little window as the plane moved to the runway.

It should be her son sitting next to her. There should be messy black curls instead of beautifully layered brown. There should be bored, sulky green instead of calm hazel.

Sumiko's mind drifted back, back, back to the days when everything was going perfectly. Her wedding day, laughing and blushing in her long white dress as her husband of a few minutes, Taiki, sheepishly handed her a piece of the semi-collapsed cake. A hospital room, exhausted, cradling a screaming baby girl. A different hospital room, but with exactly the same doctor, holding a sleeping baby boy.

The sudden news that Taiki's parents were both dying of cancer. The funeral. The seemingly endless stream of alcohol that Taiki started drinking. The arguments, the lies, the verbal and then physical abuse. The messy divorce. The call from a doctor saying that her son had been hit by a car and was in critical condition. The new dream job in Hokkaido that had made her so desperately happy but her son so desperately miserable.

When she'd woken up that one morning to find that Akaya had packed his things without waking her and then run away… Only then did Sumiko realise just how badly Akaya wanted to stay. He'd written a (barely legible, as ever) note saying that he was staying with someone outside of Tokyo, and he was going to stay there if she was going to go to Hokkaido.

Had she made the right choice in quietly writing a letter explaining how to use his bank account and that she'd put his allowance into that account every month, to be well-behaved and polite to whoever was letting him stay with them, how to contact her if he needed to, and then leaving the letter with one of his teachers to give to him before purchasing her plane ticket and going?

If she'd stayed in Tokyo then she would have had a nervous breakdown. Sumiko knew that for certain. There was no way she could stay. To work and live in Hokkaido, the place that she was born, was a dream come true.

Akaya wasn't an easy child to raise. His older sister Emi was a noisy brat up until the age of six, and then after that became as good-natured and obedient as any parent could want. Akaya had been the exact opposite; shy, inquisitive, adorable until six, and then becoming prone to fits of sulking and temper tantrums. But Sumiko never stopped loving and devoting herself to either of them. Parents aren't supposed to have favourites, and Sumiko didn't. For the most part. It had to be said that she generally liked Emi just a tiny bit better for her sweet nature, but then she'd look at Akaya's pouting eyes, so similar to her own, and feel maternal adoration well up inside her.

It had been hard when Emi chose to live with Taiki rather than her, but she'd made sure to phone occasionally and send letters. It was much harder to know that Akaya had only chosen to stay with her because she was, to him, the lesser of two great evils.

When she'd discovered that Akaya had started dating a third year, and a _male_ third year no less, she'd been worried for Akaya's already very questionable stability. But as time passed she watched Akaya start to experience normal human happiness. She watched all the love he should have given to his family go instead to this Marui boy and his idol Yukimura, who, as she understood it, thought of Akaya as more than a mere kouhai but an adorable little brother of some sort. She assumed that he was staying with one of those two currently – she hadn't pried.

Sumiko knew that Akaya couldn't take care of himself. He was only fourteen, and pretty immature for his age on top of that. She often wondered if Akaya would ever grow up. Secretly, she hoped not.

She'd chosen between her son's happiness and her own concerns. Sumiko knew that she probably should have chosen her own concerns. After all, she didn't know where he was staying, who he was staying with, whether or not he was alright.

But no; she'd chosen Akaya's happiness. It was the wrong decision, but it had been made for the right reasons. That was good enough, right? It had to be good enough.

She loved Akaya more than anything, but Akaya didn't love her like a child should his mother. And that was why she had to leave him. She couldn't make herself do something that would make him hate her.

With a tiny, mirthless smile Sumiko thought that social services, if they knew, would be utterly appalled. But, tough, they didn't know. And she wasn't going to tell them.

As the plane took off and Sumiko saw Honshu get smaller and smaller beneath them, she silently prayed for Akaya's health and happiness. It wasn't farewell, not really.

But it was definitely a goodbye.

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Honshu: The main island of Japan. Y'know, the big curvy one in the middle.

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Sandy: I hope I characterized Akaya's mother alright… I'm out of practise with writing for women xDD

Questions, comments, suggestions, blind adoration (xpp), all are loved. Please let me know what you thought!

Until next time. :)


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